I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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