Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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