foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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