he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
