The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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