My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
