I seem to have left my pride at pride
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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