in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
