He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
