i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
