My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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