so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
