He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
