I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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