Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
