I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
