chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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