We need to rekindle our bromance
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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