She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
