I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
