You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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