in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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