Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
