the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
