He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
