This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
