I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
