I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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