why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
