I'm going to jail i love you
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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