I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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