dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
