Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
