Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
