she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
