OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
