Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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