Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
