when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
