He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
