How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm like, not good at living.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
