do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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