I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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