The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
