My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
