But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
