We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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