I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
