We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
