i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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